To The Editor,

I’m contemplating divorce. Not from my wife – she’s not that bad, but from Baal. According to Sid Roth, a self-styled “investigative reporter who verifies the supernatural”, Baal is responsible for all kinds of evil: all abortions, divorce, addictions, pornography, gender confusion, social unrest – you name it. “Sid Roth’s It’s Supernatural!” is to be seen at various times on Vision TV HD, Miracle Channel HD, and Daystar HD (Shaw Direct channels 281, 282, and 283).

Sid interviews guest speakers. On October 18, 2020 he had John Benefiel on. John knows all about Baal. He even had some pictures – a rainbow flag, a fellow with a Black Lives Matter sign – so I know what he looks like when I see him. If you send John $35 US he’ll send you his latest book along with a paper that grants you a divorce from Baal. You also get a Writ of Assistance. I’m not sure what that does for you: Writs of Assistance were used in colonial America by the British to warrant search and seizure. Perhaps someone will come around in order to ferret out demons and idols. No pumpkin carving for me this past Hallowe’en.  Incidentally, if Vankleek Hill is the gingerbread capital of Ontario, does that mean it’s also the wicked witch capital? Sid wants to know.

John was in Washington DC on July 4, 2011 where he led a group of people from all 50 states in a mass divorce from Baal. Exactly 50 days later ( a magical number when paired with the Forth) an earthquake struck Washington DC. This “cracked the Washington monument, which is a phallic symbol, a symbol of worship of Baal.” (There are transcripts of this interview on the “John Benefiel-Sid Roth” site.)

Now there have always been sundry impertinences regarding the Washington Monument and the Founding Father, but this is the first time I ever heard anyone take them so seriously. In his novel concerning religious charlatanism, “Elmer Gantry”, Sinclair Lewis has one of his characters say something to the effect that Americans (read “people”) are at their worst when they forget how to laugh. I rest my case.

Another recipient of God’s Wrath was the House of the Temple, a Parthenon-like building “which is the side (sic?) of Freemasonry where they kneel to receive the 33rd degree. And they are told in the 33rd degree…not the 32nd, but the 33rd, that Lucifer is the good god and that our God is the evil God.” This should be self-evident to anyone smart enough to add three plus three. (Answer: 6. And as we all know three sixes constitute the Number of the Beast.)

I’m not a Mason and I really don’t know that much about them except for the occasional reference to secret handshakes and that they seem to share premises with libraries (i.e. Vankleek Hill, Hudson). A bit of cursory reading turns up words like “tolerance” and “fellowship”. Tolerance, fellowship, handshakes, libraries? Sounds like Baal to me. It should also be noted that several signatories of the Declaration of Independence were Masons. No wonder the Devil is running wild down there! If you see a Mason coming towards you with his hand extended, just cross yourself and walk to the other side of the street. A word of caution to those of you who had difficulty with the skill-testing question: watch out for cars.

I’m having second thoughts about this “divorce from Baal” business. My wife keeps asking if this means that I’ve been a bigamist all these years. She may be looking for a lawyer. Perhaps I’ll just burn my copy of “The Handmaid’s Tale” and cut back on the naked dancing under the light of the full moon. It’s been pretty chilly the last couple of times, anyway.

Thomas Gonzalez,
Vankleek Hill